Cooking No. 8: Star Wars Cookies

Last winter, I caught a bad cold and spent a few days on the couch watching hours upon hours of Cake Boss. The beauty of that show is that it makes cake decorating look so easy. All you need is a Jersey accent, a crazy family, a sassy attitude and you’re good to go! I have two out of three, which led me to instantly assume that I was more-than-qualified to make a Jeep-shaped groom’s cake for Bert. After I recovered - physically, obviously not mentally - I even went as far as recruiting a friend to help. Thankfully, someone talked me out of that fool’s errand along the way - instead we went with A Little Imagination Cakes who was awesome! - but the fact remained: I knew I could make something as crazy as Buddy. All I needed was an occasion and a chance.

Well, this week I got both. And let’s just say: there is definitely a reason why Buddy has not given me a call. Several reasons, actually. Let me explain.

Last Christmas, one of my BFFs gave me a package of Star Wars cookie cutters from Williams-Sonoma. I never opened them, but since Bert’s birthday is this week, I decided to whip up a batch of sugar cookies and show off my mad, TLC-learned decorating skills. After all, Sister V. and I have decorated Christmas cookies since the days of yore. How could this be any different? (<--- Famous Last Words. It would actually be very different.)

But for starters, these cookie cutters are awesome. I was very pleased to see that the cookie cutter industry has stayed technologically abreast of the changing times. Look below. See those little knobs on the back? They push each cookie out completely intact, minus the old-school cookie-ruining, tear-inducing tugging that always accompanied the "really cool" cookie cutters. (We had a Snoopy one growing up. So fun, yet so difficult to get his neck out intact...) These bad boys popped out like escape pods from a Star Destroyer. (Cue the nerd jokes. Sorry, but for Pete's sake: I *own* Star Wars cookie cutters. You had to expect some.)

The cookies looked really clean and crisp before I put them in the oven...

...but afterwards, they all seem to have suffered some sort of allergic reaction.

Most of my Darth Vaders turned into something vaguely bell-shaped (Bonus! They double as Christmas cookie cutters! I think I could probably frost them into Cylons as well...) My stormtroopers, which were the least-crisp to begin with, turned into faceless blobs. Boba wasn't very far behind. Yoda still looked like Yoda, but with ears like that, it's pretty difficult to look like anything else. But I didn't panic. Frosting, like paint, can cover a myriad of problems. If you know what you're doing. Which I didn't.

Regardless, may I present to you: Sarah's Star Wars Cookies, Episode 2011:

The Stormies: My favorite, hands down. And not-so-ironically, the easiest to do. Frost with white, pipe with black (Er, grey. Grey-purple. Gruple?) Yes, there is something vaguely feline about them, but as a closet cat lady, it seems only appropriate to combine my two favorite things. It’s like an Andrew Lloyd Webber and George Lucas collaboration gone haywire. How could you not love their cute little menacing faces?

Boba: Decorating the Fettster initially threw me for a loop. He doesn’t have one solid background color, so I decided piping each color was a better option. ("Many Zip-loc bags died to get this information.") Unfortunately, this turned out to be a lot more work. Boba was also the last cookie I did, which meant it was late, I was tired, and my frosting was running out. If I had worked on him first, I might have gone a little crazier, but I think he came out alright. So maybe it looks like he pulled out the pastel helmet for Easter Sunday, but you get the idea. Boba can totally rock pink.

Yoda: Originally, I thought Yoda would be the easiest to frost. There’s really no mistaking that head shape. And light green frosting is a lot easier to mix than black or red. In theory that’s all fine and dandy, but in reality his eyes look like deviled eggs and he seems to have some sort of weird tic-tac-toe board on his head. Oh well. Biting off his ears is really satisfying. Like biting the ears off your Easter bunny. The ears always taste better.

Darth: Oy vey. I was in trouble from the second I googled “how to make black frosting.” Let it be known: three parts red, three parts blue, and two parts green makes PURPLE. Not black. I put in a frighteningly large amount of food coloring just to make it this dark. I set aside a bit of gruple to pipe over with, but there really wasn’t enough contrast for me. Maybe I should’ve used white? Regardless, Vader looks like he’s wearing glasses. Fail.

I was a little disappointed my cookies did not come out exactly like the ones on the box (Closet Perfectionist. Right. Here.), but Bert really liked them and they kind of grew on me after awhile. I think the Williams-Sonoma test kitchen must have made a deal with the Dark Side to get their cookies looking so perfect. Or used fondant. Either one. Same thing.

Next time, I think I'll spring for some brighter, store-bought frosting. At least for the bits I piped. Other than that, I think I just need to practice a bit more. I'll get that call from Buddy one of these days...

Happy Birthday, Sweetie!