Cancer No.1

Let me explain that title better. I don’t have cancer. I may have cancer. They’re not sure and apparently that is an acceptable diagnosis. Yes, we landed on the moon over forty years ago, but we cannot give an accurate description of a lump that lies directly beneath my skin. Oy vey.

For those behind/not in the loop, let me sum up. I have a nodule of sorts on my left thyroid. I’ve named him Ned. (Because really, who could be afraid of something named Ned?) My doctor found him in the Fall of 2009. (I thought he was being a hypochondriac. Sadly, he wasn’t.) I had a biopsy right around Christmas of that same year that came back inconclusive. They didn’t find any ‘typical’ cancer cells, but they did find Hurthle cells, which may or may not be malignant. (They didn’t want to try a second biopsy for fear of “mixing things around.” Apparently, like my mother’s piecrust, I too can be overworked.) Due to poor insurance, bad doctors, and wedding planning, nothing happened after that for an entire year. Until now.

My surgeon told me I could wait until this summer to get Ned checked again, but when I visited my doctor right before the wedding, he was very concerned that she told me to wait that long. After I told him a few doctor disaster stories, he offered me new referrals, but I declined, telling him I’d rather wait until I moved to PA. So now that I am here, the fun can start all over again.

Friday was my first appointment with my new endocrinologist. In CT, all specialists work in large office buildings that host entire legions of unpronounceable fields and are an average of 90 minutes late. (Unfortunately, I kid you not.) In PA, they all work in buildings that look like converted Italian restaurants and have you in and out the door before you’re done filling out your HIPPA forms. I love it. Bring on the Tastykakes and the grating Pittsburgh accents. I'm ready to go local.

I explained Ned’s whole story to the endo, who took an ultrasound to see if he’s grown any. It was, of course, inconclusive. Ultrasounds have a 15-20% margin of error, and he measured present-day Ned as 15-20% larger than last-year Ned. Which left me with two options: one, have another biopsy (which this endo didn’t seem concerned about) and continue to keep an eye on it, or two, just take the whole thing out. As much as I love my thyroid, I’m less of a fan of cancer time bombs and opted for Door #2. Ned, your days are numbered.